In last week’s video we discussed two kinds of motivation for children which are intrinsic and extrinsic rewards. I showed you how these two help our children do better in school. And as a parent, I recommend using both.
Today’s tip is going to be talking about intrinsic rewards. I want to help encourage your kids by using intrinsic rewards instead of something tangible which is extrinsic rewards.
I came across a blog SLEEPING SHOULD BE EASY by NINA. She has shared a lot of insights about our topic intrinsic rewards. Check the page “Why you shouldn’t reward your kids (what to do instead)”. On her blog, she has lots to say about what she learned from being a mom. Get on to her blog to get tips and advice on raising kids, early education, family life, being a working mom and raising twins.
In her blog, she enumerated reasons why we shouldn’t reward our kids with external stuff frequently, instead let them feel that reward is not always what is important to life. That accomplishing something without being rewarded is important and makes you a better person.
In this video, I looked deeper to what NINA says about why we shouldn’t reward our kids externally and what to do instead. Since my focus is for helping parents help their kids in school. I used NINA’s blog to show the similarity of it in guiding your children get better at school. We should use this as a guide to help our kids get better and better at school.
She has listed eight different ways to help you set up and maintain intrinsic rewards.
The first way is to explain why the action is important. Internalize those reasons within them that way they will start to do their homework by themselves without being told to gain those internal or intrinsic rewards.
The second way is to encourage pride at a job well done. This means, for example, if your child made the bed you want to praise your child for doing the job. And in particular, to point out the feelings they’re already having.
Number three, don’t over praise. Praise strategically the behaviors you really want to reinforce. If you say "great job" all the time. It loses its magic. It doesn’t really matter anymore. If you say "great job" for every little thing they do, they’ll start to think that every little thing they do is great then they will not even care anymore.
Number four, find underlying issues. So let’s say your child doesn’t want to go to school. There must be some reason why they don’t want to go to school. You have to find out what’s going on inside. And then you can use intrinsic rewards to fix that emotion.
Number five, you need to find a good time to ask for a child to do chores. Watch the video, I have set an example to explain this well.
Number six, offer to help. It’s really more fun to do a project with someone else.
Number seven, I want you to relax your standards. Don’t expect them to get perfect. Bring your standards down a little bit and reward intrinsically the effort your child is putting in to get better.
Finally, number 8, Show your appreciation. Anytime your child does something that enforces a behavior that you want whether it is doing homework or something around the house like making the bed, especially when you don’t tell them to do it, you show your appreciation. That shows the child that they’re doing the right thing. Internally they get a feeling of pride from what they do.
Watch the video for more explanations and elaborations of how we can help our kids get using these eight steps.
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